How to Have a Life Full of Romance When You’re Single

How to Have a Life Full of Romance When You're Single

{spoiler: it’s easy}

Happy first day of February! I’m excited to introduce this month’s theme word for the blog, which is romance.

Now, I’m aware that this month often brings up uncomfortable feelings, especially for people who are single. All, I can say is: I’m tired of the expectation that not having a date for Valentine’s Day is a reason to feel depressed. If you’re a single woman too, trust me: you don’t have to live up to that expectation.

It always saddens me whenever I get asked: how are you happy when you’re single? I mean, we’re meant to be in the 21st Century! Over time, I’ve learnt not to equate personal happiness with my relationship status, but that’s not an easy lesson to learn, especially when society tells you that if you’re single, you should be miserable.

Single girls are meant to be Bridget Jones, lip-syncing to sad music in their pjs, consoling themselves with wine and day-dreaming about the charming, but emotionally unavailable men in their lives (when they’re not having nightmares about dying alone and being eaten by dogs, that is). They’re meant to wilt when they see another engagement or wedding announcement on Facebook and question all the life choices that led them to wind up alone. They’re meant to feel like failures. Well, I say: scratch that!

I feel so lucky to know real single women who are carving out their own careers; checking into spin class; planning their next weekend trip; reading the latest books; taking the time to be exceptional friends; keeping their standards high. They’re leading great lives, and they’re doing all this against the expectation that they should feel inadequate without a man by their side.

Single women are put in a box, given a lot of limiting beliefs and told a list of things they can’t have: happiness, fulfilment, romance, love, +1 invites to weddings, babies – the list goes on. Is any of that actually true? No.

In contrast, what are single men told they can have? Freedom, spontaneity, excitement and, perhaps most importantly, time. Time to succeed in their career, time to figure out who they are, time to find the right woman, time to play the field, ‘sow wild oats,’ etc.

Do I think there’s anything wrong about being in a relationship? Of course not! I think good relationships are wonderful; I hope I have one some day. I just also think being single is great too. In the end, there is nothing limiting about being single or being in a relationship. You’ll only be limited if you believe you are.

Valentine’s Day is a time when all single people are meant to feel incomplete. This February, though, I’d really love you to join me – whether you’re single or not – in truly embracing a life of romance for this month.

Here’s a rather lovely definition of romance for you:

romance
a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life

synonyms: mystery, glamour, excitement, colourfulness, colour, exoticism, mystique

Doesn’t your heart quicken a little when you read that? Mystery, excitement, a breaking away from the mundane. Single or not, experiences that spark those emotions inside you are yours for the taking.

If you need a few prompts, here are some suggestions for ways to embrace the romantic life this month:

Visit the sea. Breathe deeply, run along the shore, gather seashells, throw stones, splash in the water.

Treat yourself in a way you usually wouldn’t: book a manicure, a massage, a yoga class, go to the cinema, order a fancy hot chocolate – whatever calls to you.

Read books that fire your imagination. 

Think of a skill you could develop.

Allow yourself to day-dream. What kind of life do you really want to live? 

 Imagine ways to surprise someone you love.

Act in a way you perceive as out of character: if you’re serious, do something playful; if you love to talk, take a turn to listen; if you’re shy, smile at a stranger.

Think about one area of your life you’d really like to change. Don’t let blame or judgement or guilt stand a chance in your head. What are the first steps towards making that change happen? Start doing them.

Do something unexpected, like having pancakes for supper or dancing like mad to your favourite music.

Go on a date.

Have a secret (not a bad one). Plan a surprise party, start a project, take yourself out to lunch – enjoy having something that only you know about, at least for a time.

Do a colour photography challenge: take pictures of all red things one week, orange the next etc.

Say yes to something you would normally decline.

Sample or buy a perfume that smells particularly exotic.

Read a poem and delight in the beautiful use of language.

Write down 5 things you love about yourself.

Start a journal filled with your favourite quotes.

Wear red lipstick.

Do let me know – are you tempted to embrace romance this month? What ways can you think of to fill your life with more excitement?